i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize