Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Houston, we have a blender
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
