great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
