Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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