i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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