Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
