you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
