So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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