I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
