now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
