I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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