you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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