Rock
Scissors
Fuck
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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