and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
