Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
as a side note pls kill me
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
