He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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