i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
