i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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