peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
