hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
