he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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