Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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