the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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