I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
