Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize