i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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