He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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