could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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