I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize