He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
