you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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