I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
