We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
