Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
