I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
