he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
