my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
