I got chris browned last night
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
