i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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