I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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