my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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