why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
