i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
