I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
