What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
