1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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