cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize