Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
