The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
