i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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