"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
