youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
