ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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