the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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