Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
