Jerry, you need to find god
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
