he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We need to rekindle our bromance
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
