new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
