You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
