I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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