How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
