Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I accidentally burped into my bong.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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