so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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