Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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