He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
