Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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