if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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