it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize