Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize