Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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