Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
