I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
