If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
