Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
