come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize