I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
