Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
