every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
