"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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