I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
